If i were to marry...

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/am-i-marrying-the-right-person/

Asik2 topik ni. Kebuhsanan la..Tapi harini i just have to write on this bcos a lot of thoughts going on in my mind about it.

1st of all i agree dgn artikel ni.

If i were to marry, i harap sangat it would be with my best friend/ true friend, yg accept me for who i am, etc. pernah dgr tak, 'A true friend is someone who you can sit with in silence, but you feel like you had the best conversation in your life!' Org yg mcm ni la i nak. Bukan ni je la. Byk lagi ciri2 'lelaki idaman' i, cewah..;)

Hmmm....byk lagi thoughts u had  on this topic, like my criterias for a future husband-thus why i sometimes tak layan/ avoid some guys yg clearly 'intersted'...it's becos diorang tak memenuhi spesifikasi big time!
Tapi, tiba2 malas pulak nak tulis dah.

Basically, i tau i at risk of ataupun mmg dah terlebih umur ideal utk kahwin for perempuan, but i rather be choosy than menyesal seumur hidup.

I am choosing to BE choosy!

Sudahla, since umur pun dah lewat, i dont care anymore really. Kekdg tu mmg hati tersentuh tgk kwn2 sebaya atau junior2 ni dah kahwin and ada 2+ anak. Aatupun yg bakal kahwin dlm masa terdekat. Tapi, buat apa risau pasal ni, tu kan rezeki masing2.

Allah tak bagi hak ni, dia bagi hak lain, Insya Allah.

Prinsip hidup i now ialah, i hanya akan plan for esok hari sahaja(as in the day after today only, ), i tak nak risau/plan for future yg jauh2 sangat..sbb plan2 sgt pun selalunya tak jadi,kan. Baik dalam kerjaya mahupun kehidupan. Klu plan pun yg perlu sahaja.

Allah knows best for us.I'll let him bentangkan the next chapters of my life in front of me- and i'll take them as they come.

Nak kempen Shahir (yg artis, bukan adik aku..hehe) masuk Imam Muda!

Sebab;

1) Suara mmg sedap, dia dah pernah masuk pertandingan Tilawah (sampai peringkat Kebangsaan), Hafazan, nasyid pun...kira semua2 yg dipertandingkan dlm Imam Muda tu dia boeh buat.

2) Nak suruh bagi ceramah pun boleh, cuba tgk cara dia cakap, klu masa dia cakap pasal kehidupan/motivasi/rohaniah

3) Dia ada x-factor - looks, peribadi/ personality bagus, berbudi bahasa..

I nak kempen cos i rasa dia x patut masuk AF n masuk dunia hiburan. Dlm dunia hiburan, dgn x-factors yg dia ada tgkla apa dah jadi. Banyak sgt benda2 tak patut, gosip murahan.

Cemana nak menyeru umat Islam Msia tu ke arah kebaikan? Cos dia kata nak smapaikan mesej melalui jalan yg dia pilih ni..

Shahir3! (ala2 cheerleader) Masuk Imam Muda! or jadi mcm Asyraf Muslim!

Difference between me & him

He's very objective. Semua benda kena relate to intellectual stuff. Tapi he's still very good in people skills, decency, courtesy, common sense. Satu je la, bab sayang2, cinta2 ni, dia x pandai nak manipulate, end up hurting...ME!

I pun objective, tapi masa kerja je..tu pun byk je i subjektif...using my 6th sense, reading into ppls' words and actions...but obviously with using the black&white data jugak la..
Tapi bila bab sayang2 ni, i nak orang tu show it properly, in words AND actions...and must be EXCLUSIVE! I kuat jeles ok..

Ni, dia dah cakap L word dulu. But, i rasa masa tu sbnarnya dia tak ready lagi, cos too soon after his previous r/ship. I tak nak jadi 'rebound' dia. I pulak x pandai confront, thus gaduh, thus the on and off separation that we had..:P...sakit hati aku aje

Sebab tu i tak nak get involve dgn dia lagi, sbb to be honest still sayang, cuma i cant see us going anywhere..and i x nak waste anybody's time..

Tapi, now ni, i dah 18+9 (as Wani puts it!..hehe),  I AM OLD ok...
So, sbb dah 27 ni, i pun rasa, what the hell, i tinggal 3 months pun lagi kat UK ni, and ada mamat yg kept trying to get back with me, i pun decide i'll just make use of him! Just next 3 months!

Altho sbnarnya, maybe dia pun tak berniat to get romantically involved; habes dia asik ajak aku keluar sana sini even since declare separated tu buat apa? Do u really know what u want? Saje nak play with my feelings? Ke dia treat All his kawan2 pompuan camni? Setahu aku, he's a quie busy guy; apart from pegi hosp jadi doctor, di pun tutor A  level students, and buat revision courses for med students..

Sbb tu la, i better be careful,
Tapi, what the hell, kan, tinggal 3 bulan je ni, baik i buat praktis...pepandai la control perasaan sayang tu, Sayangi diri sendiri terlebih dahulu..huhu

Why i finally agreed to go out again

Primarily sbb it's my final 3 months in UK.

Pastu, di ajak jalan2. Mestila i and Wani nak. Dahla dia ada kereta, apa lagi..

Also, dah banyak kali dia try ajak aku keluar..last2 i give in la ni..

Since i ni kan suka pikir banyak sangat, i obviously started thinking of Kenapa dia ni selalu nak sangat ajak i keluar?

We have established we shouldn't couldn't and weren't lovers..Just Best Friends..altho dia dah ckp the 'L' word first dulu2..

Mebe dia ajak i keluar sbb as bday gift (note dia tak tau pun bila bday aku!). maybe, just to treat me nicely sbb i dah nak leave him for good, maybe nak end the break-up nicely so that dia tak feel guilty. Klu pasal sbb yg last tu kan, sbnarnya dah lamaaaaa gila since the last time we 'broke-up', and stopped seeing each other outside work too often. Tapi at work, still ckp hi and borak biasa..

Since then, every now and then, dia still ajak keluar, tapi i adaa je hal, thus tak gi keluar.

2/52 ago my bday dinner. tu pun Wani yg ajak dia sekali...since then selalu pulak sama shift dgn dia, selalu jumpa within the neighbourhood and he kept trying to ask me out..

I tak nak think too much/ assume...i think i'll just assume he just wanna be friends..

I ada baca ' Why your Ex still wants to be friends with you'....ada bnyk reasons..but i'll assume the worst and pick My Ex's reason is he wants to appear as the nice guy and wants to end it nicely...

Tapi, masa kitorang keluar semalam pgi New Forest, banyak pulak bebnda yg mengingatkan kami kepada sweet memories dulu2....

Note, we are usually advised that 'being strictly platonic with your ex is never possible'..
Betul la jugak..bila keluar dgn dia, i straight-away acted like how i usually do when i went ou with him before..mcm tak kesah je, sakat je dia, suruh dia angkat brg2 berat, share food, etc

Antara sweet memories yg teringat kembali, dia pegi reminisce about the last time we went out for a car-ride to the same area before, reminisce pasal zaman kitorang study together...

I pulak start share food dgn dia like dulu2...i guess tu biasa je with sape2 pun, tapi bcos we r actually so comfortbale with each other actually, masa share a packet of crisp, i yg pick out the crisp from the packet and put in his hand, sbb dia tgh driving,kan...

One single sweetest thing that is making my heart properly 'soft' all over again is, him giving in to me on one of my silly suggesstions..Dia ni a person yg suka challenge whatever u say..ada je arguement dia to disagree with you or suggest a better idea..And klu i make a silly suggestion/ sakat dia/ make fun of him, mesti dia buat2 tak layan/ argue/ make fun of me back...Never dia akan agree meekly..

Semlm i perasan side-view mirror kereta dia tinted blue..i tny la dia, apsal? Dia pun kata, dia tak perasan pun...i kept mentioning about it throughout the whole trip. dia mcm buat2 tak dgr/ tak layan..pastu we came across pink-coloured cars yg looked really nice, yg i pun kata 'aaa i really like that car' ckp dgn wani..pastu, on the way home, i cakap kat dia, lain kali side-view mirror tu buat tinted-pink...dia cuma jawab 'OK'..tu je..xde dia nak argue apa2 to retaliate.. i was like, eh, this is something different...sbb everything else yg i cakap masa tu, mesti dia nak elaborate/ argue, etc..

Tu je la telah hit my soft spot....sigh..

I really DO BETTER BE CAREFUL. Don't let myself get hurt again!

New Forest

Today, all 3 of us, Wani , ex and I post-nights.

Mula2 igt nak gi bfast je..

Last2 ended up pgi New Forest; makan brunch dgn horses and jalan2 along the quaint town of New Forset/Lyndhurst....

Ni gambar candid(Wani ambik) ; see how tak jalan sama2? Nama pun Exes...heheh

I wanna stop thinking too much!

Tgkla apa dah jadi ni.....

Tetiba hati mula berfikir; maybe i should give clinical a chance...

I am very famous for my indecisiveness or rather changing my mind a lot....paling me-stresskan ppl around me ialah changing it at the very last minute!

Kenapa tau i tetiba nak tukar fikiran ni? Sbb what Mum said, something simple like 'saving one man, is like saving 1 umat manusia'..sbnarnya i pun dah lama tau semua benda ni..it's just the way it was said.

Bear in mind, 2-3 months ago, when i first told my mum about my change of mind, berbagai2 cara dia try untuk make me not change my mind, Semua bentuk nasihat dia kasi. Mmmg tak jalan..

Untuk pengethauan semua, i ni senang je klu nak pujuk, kena gently and make effort to LISTEN to me. Aku mmg pantang org marah2, sindir2, paksa2 especially depan org ramai (which is scenario pembelajaran clinical in Msia). Lagi u buat camtu, lagi tak jalan! Masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan. Lagi i nak tunjuk rebel..haha.Dari kecik sampai besar ni.

So, what happened today was, altho selepas past few months mum dah kasi restu i nak leave clinical, tetiba, dia still kata like the above, so, pahamla, dia still nak i jadi doktor betul. The cara tu TERKENA harini!..sbb very subtle AND gentle...

I think tiba masanya kena solat Istikaharah....

PS: and guess what i'm gonna specialize in?...not telling anyone till i get it! ye la sbb still 50/50 lagi pun hati ni- from 90/10 to 50/50; that's how berkesannnya nak pujuk i klu kena cara hihihi)...I mmg manja, soft-hearted, whatevere u kol it!

I would like to blame my neighbour

Haish, harini, Alhamdulillah dapat berkenalan dgn Aunty Iza.

Best dapat borak2 dgn Malaysian. Obviously topik perbincangan akan beralih kpd, apsal i dah nak balik soon? Nak kahwin ke? Aigoo, aigoo...(cewah, style org Korea pulak)..Pastu dia kasila sedikit nasihat and tips alam berumahtangga nie...I dah, ok aunty, thanks. That's cool. i'll use them when the time comes.

Lepas balik drpd jumpa dgnnya, jalan balik rumah. Masa tgh naik bukit Glen Eyre Road tu, kereta sape depan sekali kat T junction tu, right opposite to me, waiting for the traffic lights? Tk lain dan tak bukan, jiran aku yg bertuah tu lah.

Dah byk kali dah when this issue of 'need to get married' crosses my mind, mesti terserempak dgn dia soon after. Padahal tak terfikir pasal dia pun specifically, at all! We dah lama Separated our lives from each other. Although we have loadddsss of chemistry, byk benda lain yg we don't agree on. And i sbnarnya tgh silently merajuk dgn dia (if at some point dia pujuk, i'll eat my hat; though i dont wear a hat :). Also my parents tak gemar the fact he's not from Msia. Although dia Muslim and all, org Islam sini lain kan cara, culture and pemahaman Islam dia. And i AM NOT going to come back to the UK, please.

Masalahnya, we have soo many memories together, and a lot of things remind me of him. Alhamdulillah, dah lama berjaya get on top of this problem...tapi tula, byk all these 'cosmic', i dunno signs or whatever, i think Allah hanya menguji kesabaran aku...

Yes, i have to be patient and turn to Him...

Byk giler benda berlaku harini

Byk sgt sampai my otak cant comprehend...apatah lagi, now ni, otak i cukup 30 jam x tido..

Aduhai, dahla byk, tunggang terbalik pulak tu Semuanya...

I tak taula is it just bcos i baru habis 1st Nights after 1 week off? Atau adakah ianya satu petanda...

Bukan petanda2 khurafat tu, u know, sometimes there are things that happen yg give u 6th sense....adoi, x taula

Hah, yg penting i nak sue org yg sbbkan i tak dapat balik Msia 1st day puasa! Heheh, i know Semuanya masalah teknikal, but still, i was soooo looking forward to it!

Takpe2, semuanya ada hikmah di sebaliknya..