Why i finally agreed to go out again

Primarily sbb it's my final 3 months in UK.

Pastu, di ajak jalan2. Mestila i and Wani nak. Dahla dia ada kereta, apa lagi..

Also, dah banyak kali dia try ajak aku keluar..last2 i give in la ni..

Since i ni kan suka pikir banyak sangat, i obviously started thinking of Kenapa dia ni selalu nak sangat ajak i keluar?

We have established we shouldn't couldn't and weren't lovers..Just Best Friends..altho dia dah ckp the 'L' word first dulu2..

Mebe dia ajak i keluar sbb as bday gift (note dia tak tau pun bila bday aku!). maybe, just to treat me nicely sbb i dah nak leave him for good, maybe nak end the break-up nicely so that dia tak feel guilty. Klu pasal sbb yg last tu kan, sbnarnya dah lamaaaaa gila since the last time we 'broke-up', and stopped seeing each other outside work too often. Tapi at work, still ckp hi and borak biasa..

Since then, every now and then, dia still ajak keluar, tapi i adaa je hal, thus tak gi keluar.

2/52 ago my bday dinner. tu pun Wani yg ajak dia sekali...since then selalu pulak sama shift dgn dia, selalu jumpa within the neighbourhood and he kept trying to ask me out..

I tak nak think too much/ assume...i think i'll just assume he just wanna be friends..

I ada baca ' Why your Ex still wants to be friends with you'....ada bnyk reasons..but i'll assume the worst and pick My Ex's reason is he wants to appear as the nice guy and wants to end it nicely...

Tapi, masa kitorang keluar semalam pgi New Forest, banyak pulak bebnda yg mengingatkan kami kepada sweet memories dulu2....

Note, we are usually advised that 'being strictly platonic with your ex is never possible'..
Betul la jugak..bila keluar dgn dia, i straight-away acted like how i usually do when i went ou with him before..mcm tak kesah je, sakat je dia, suruh dia angkat brg2 berat, share food, etc

Antara sweet memories yg teringat kembali, dia pegi reminisce about the last time we went out for a car-ride to the same area before, reminisce pasal zaman kitorang study together...

I pulak start share food dgn dia like dulu2...i guess tu biasa je with sape2 pun, tapi bcos we r actually so comfortbale with each other actually, masa share a packet of crisp, i yg pick out the crisp from the packet and put in his hand, sbb dia tgh driving,kan...

One single sweetest thing that is making my heart properly 'soft' all over again is, him giving in to me on one of my silly suggesstions..Dia ni a person yg suka challenge whatever u say..ada je arguement dia to disagree with you or suggest a better idea..And klu i make a silly suggestion/ sakat dia/ make fun of him, mesti dia buat2 tak layan/ argue/ make fun of me back...Never dia akan agree meekly..

Semlm i perasan side-view mirror kereta dia tinted blue..i tny la dia, apsal? Dia pun kata, dia tak perasan pun...i kept mentioning about it throughout the whole trip. dia mcm buat2 tak dgr/ tak layan..pastu we came across pink-coloured cars yg looked really nice, yg i pun kata 'aaa i really like that car' ckp dgn wani..pastu, on the way home, i cakap kat dia, lain kali side-view mirror tu buat tinted-pink...dia cuma jawab 'OK'..tu je..xde dia nak argue apa2 to retaliate.. i was like, eh, this is something different...sbb everything else yg i cakap masa tu, mesti dia nak elaborate/ argue, etc..

Tu je la telah hit my soft spot....sigh..

I really DO BETTER BE CAREFUL. Don't let myself get hurt again!